So you’ve been together for 5-10-20 years, or 15 like us, that’s great! But how do you keep the spark? I’m not a marriage expert, don’t have the perfect one nor pretend to. However, I do spend time thinking about how to make our marriage fun. It’s no secret that time wears a relationship down sometimes, not to mention kids, careers, family, illnesses, a lot can happen in a few years. To make it even more challenging, Nick and I have little in common. In the beginning, it was exciting and felt exotic but it can be tricky. So here’s what we do to keep the spark alive!
Just do it already
The activity, the date, the bills talk, the intimacy. Just do it! There’s times where I’m hesitating on all of these things, including the fun ones. Just getting the stuff off the to-do list really helps us. It’s good to put these things on the calendar so that you take the decision out of it and just do it.
Trying Something New
I can be a real pain about going out and trying some new. First off, I have SO MUCH to do already, why do I want to risk doing something I might not enjoy? I don’t have the kind of time. But if you do it together it’s a real bonding experience. Even if one of you has tried it and the other hasn’t, it’s still something to share together. Bonus points for trying something new neither of you has done. There’s something exhilarating about the unknown and having the “unknown” together again. You know like, your first kiss 🙂
Share the Little Dumb Stuff
Do you ever notice how at the beginning of your relationship you wanted to share everything with that person? My bandaid fell off! The dog next door got a new collar! This song is in my head! Here’s a picture of your favorite snack! You get the point. Then over time, these dumb little things stop, because you’re in a stable predictable relationship. That’s danger zone.
Before you know it, you’re sharing those dumb little things with your barista, shared economy driver, co-worker, somebody else. So now instead of sharing these seemingly unimportant things, you start sublimating them to other people in your life. And while they may not lead to anything more than that, the interaction and sharing with your SO stalls. And so does that spark. To keep the spark, one of the things I try to do on a regular basis is keep sharing the little dumb stuff. Throw a NSFW pic in there, watch the sparks fly! 🙂
That Date Night
This phrase is a little annoying because there’s so much pressure for it. It’s like you have this one night where for a couple of hours you have to talk about issues, fix stuff, gaze into each other’s eyes, and talk about the future, the past, all of it! I don’t do well usually. Instead, I try to have a series of “date nights” at home where we are not going out but still taking a couple of hours to just be with each other. I recently heard this Goop podcast with Michaela Boehm about intimacy and it was really eye-opening. I suggest you listen to it on your next commute!
This post was inspired by our gifted recent trip to Midtown Athletic Club in Bannockburn and our day date of paddleball and apps/wine! My friend Ashbey invited us to a date night of paddle ball lesson and wine and apps! At first, I had dozens of things pop into my mind about why we couldn’t go. Kids! But there are 2.5 hours of babysitting as part of the package, she said. I don’t know how to play! It’s a lesson, she said. We’ll be so hungry after the class! There’s delicious food and drink, she said. I had no excuse not to sign Nick and I up for a fun afternoon of fun. Twist my arm. 🙂 When I thought about it a bit more I realized it would be a great way to keep the spark alive!
The Lesson
Wow, was this funny. I basically said that I would hit two balls and then I’d hit the wine bar. Then 10 minutes in, I found myself learning and having fun. So much so that I even forgot I hate balls and sports! Chip, the instructor, was so helpful and such a natural and gifted instructor. He had us playing in no time even though I was the girl that was picked last in each and every PE team ever. Nick is really good at racquetball, tennis and ping pong, so I knew he would have a great time and he did! It was fun for us to see each other in this different setting and learn something together. I felt….sparks! (see above) 🙂
Food & Wine
After the lesson, and let’s face it, workout, we had some yummy food to be had! We opted for the Chicken Quesadillas, grilled shrimp with corn and roasted brussel sprouts! The food was amazing and we sat in the cutest little bar area that I hear is getting renovated, along with the entire facility.
KidTown
So where did the kids go? Well, they were having their own fun at the Kidzone at Midtown Athletic Club Bannockburn! These kiddos did not want to leave. They ate their food, they played and were absolutely beaming when we went to get them! We spied on them a couple of times during our date night and they looked so happy that it helped me fully relax and enjoy the time with Nick and the facilities!
If you’re interested in signing up for this program at Midtown Athletic Bannockburn, reach out to chip.beasely@midtown.com and ask for the date night package for Paddle in No Time! It’s $100 for the 30 minute lesson, more play time if you’d lke, drink & apps, and up to 2.5 hours of childcare! What?!
Getting back to sparks, I hope this provided some ideas of what you can do to try to find that sparkle again. Remember you picked your partner for a good reason in the beginning, sometimes you just have to shove them back to the stars! 😉
XO, Z
Pictures by Ashley Beasley
